10. Schedule personal or family events to conflict with church services and activities.
9. Don’t get close to anyone in church. Avoid developing relationships with Christians so that your children will never see the joy and benefits of fellowship with other believers.
8. Constantly look at your phone during worship time and complain bitterly, look annoyed, and make a scene when church lasts longer than you think it should.
7. Financially support your church and its missions with the same amount of enthusiasm you pay taxes.
6. Always make sure your kids are on time to soccer practice and school so they can learn responsibility but don’t worry if they are late or miss church.
5. Bring your family to church services only when a) you have nothing better to do; b) you have a personal need; c) you feel really guilty.
4. Don’t volunteer for anything or make any kind of long term commitment at church. Remember to always keep your options open in case something else, any thing else, comes up.
3. Change churches every few years.
2. Remember you kids how imperfect church leaders are and regularly point out their mistakes.
- And whatever you do, don’t let the church influence the way you live your life.